What living in China can do to you

One bitterly cold morning in Beijing in 2003 I hit a moral low. I was waiting for a taxi outside of my Tuan Jie Hu apartment complex. Usually there’s a small fleet parked over there but on this day the cold was so brutal there were none – everyone was cabbing it. I finally managed to signal a free taxi that was driving by and as he stopped, an amazingly feisty older Chinese lady ran ahead of me and jumped in. The taxi sped off as I shivered helplessly. I decided to walk up the street to scout for other taxis when I saw a young Western couple standing by a parked taxi talking to the driver through his front window, probably asking if he knew how to get to their destination. Like a robot, without thinking and without feeling, I simply walked over, opened the back door, got in and told the driver to go.

This was a landmark for me, someone who is near-obsessive about zero tolerance for line-cutters and those who push ahead of others. I remember sitting there in the taxi feeling absolutely no remorse. I had done what had to be done and I felt eerily proud of myself. This was not a matter of morality, it was a matter of survival. Finally, I had become a true Beijinger, employing the methodology that others had long ago adopted to ensure their survival in a merciless environment where it’s every man for himself and me-first. That soft side of me that would normally be inclined to graciously let the others go first had been thoroughly subjugated, not as an act of consciousness but as part of my survival mechanism. It was kill or be killed, and I suddenly realized I could kill when necessary.

I am not proud of what I did. But I am not ashamed, either, because you really do have to alter your thinking if you want to survive in China. I wouldn’t think of walking across a busy street, going against a red light, in Taipei. In Beijing, it’s simply what you have to do. That was the worst I did; I never cut a line or cheated anybody or pushed anybody – my moral compass wasn’t altogether shut down. But I had employed a Machiavellian way of thinking; I saw an opportunity and I struck, and I kept my emotions out of it. I had done something I would have hitherto thought unimaginable. And I didn’t care.

James Fallows writes about just this phenomenon in his blog today (via ESWN), and I related to every syllable, especially about the fuckers who jump into the elevator and instantly start pushing the “close door” button. (I wrote an entire post about Chinese elevator etiquette a long time ago, before this blog even offered comments.) As Fallows says, it’s intriguing to look at a newbie in China and then watch them evolve over time, succumbing to their natural instinct for survival.

A friend has told me how he loves watching American visitors come into – and later go out from – the Shanghai or Beijing airports. On the way in, when finding they make no progress toward the immigration desk or in the taxi queue because of Chinese people cutting in front of them, they smile in appreciation of raw Chinese energy. On the way out, when someone tries to cut them off, they grab the interloper by the shoulder and fling him back.

That’s the person I am now. When I start hammering at the ‘Close’ button, I’ll know that my transformation is complete.

I think this happen to everyone who lives there, at least to some extent. There isn’t any choice. We all do what we have to do to get through the day, to survive.

The Discussion: 41 Comments

Congratulations and welcome to the downward spiral where common courtesy, citizenship, civil society, and manners disappear.

“It’ll improve with the next generation” (common China answer)…….NOT.

Enjoy the ride…

December 19, 2006 @ 6:13 am | Comment

Dear Sir, I can only hope that you did it with A SMILE!

Make sure to practice at home first in front of the mirror and next time you steal a taxi from strangers first SMILE AT THEM!

December 19, 2006 @ 10:52 am | Comment

I didn’t do it with a smile, but rather a somewhat grim sense of satisfaction. “Look – I did it! I did what I had to to get a taxi, just like that little old lady who stole a taxi me moments before!” I was no longer an idiotic foreigner, forced to succumb to the aggressions of the locals; I could take matters into my own hands and meet them head-on at their own level.

This sense of accomplishment was tempered only by my realisation that I had done an altogether awful thing, something that went contrary to my core values. But I was living in China; did I have a choice?

December 19, 2006 @ 11:48 am | Comment

“‘It’ll improve with the next generation’ (common China answer)…….NOT.”

I strongly disagree with that, or at least, it does not apply to Shanghai.

The younger generation here is *markedly* different in their attitudes and behaviors than the generation which lived through the CR. People under 30-35 in Shanghai are much more likely to *hold* the elevator door for you than to stab the ‘door close’ button. In about 20 more years, Shanghai will be a much nicer place to live as those hardened middle-agers are replaced by post-CR Chinese.

I’m willing to believe that this may be much less true outside of Shanghai (I don’t get out much), but I’ll bet the situation is roughly similar in cities like Shenzhen.

I think it’s really important that we westerners do our flat-out best to avoid impulses to partake in the kinds of behavior we would most like to see change. We have a disproportionately large affect on the behavior of people around us by virtue of the simple reality of being a “foreigner”.

Chinese people really do sometimes say things like “Foreigners don’t do X, why do so many Chinese?” They aren’t stupid, they can see the benefits of “modern” or “international standard” behavior, both in terms of not losing face internationally, but also in more direct terms of making society better a nicer place to live.

On the other hand, if a foreign man darts ahead of a woman to grab a seat on the subway, how can we be surprised if anyone thinks to themself “See, even foreigners do it”?

Of course sometimes it’s very difficult, and I shudder to think of the times I have lost my temper or did something really stupid in public. Yet I think we have to do our best to hold ourselves to high standards. That should be true no matter where you live.

Like it or not, we are all “cultural ambassadors” just by living among, and interacting with Chinese. We can use this as an opportunity to assist an eager and rapidly-improving society. Or we can reinforce the behaviors we most object to. However, anyone who takes the latter course can no longer legitimately complain about undesirable local behaviors.

And by the way, this works in both directions. There are some lessons westerners can learn from Chinese as well. 🙂

Richard, my advice is to get a better winter coat, a stylish but warm hat, and the best thermal “long johns” you can find, so next time you can look a little longer for a taxi. That, or get your own Xiali. 🙂

December 19, 2006 @ 11:50 am | Comment

I probably have done it all in BJ and GZ, but I really don’t delude myself into thinking it is survival. I just can’t stand that people will get in front of me when I got there first. There is a civilized way of dealing with the problem of line jumpers. Just go to them and say, “Qing pai dui houmian,” more or less, “please get in linebehind me.” (Anyone that knows Chinese can correct this putonghua, if needed.) It has worked for me 99.999% of the time, that is, only once has it failed in six or so years..

December 19, 2006 @ 11:54 am | Comment

Yeah…when the Chinese cut in line they do so unconsciously- every time I’ve rebuked one for cutting in front of me they’ve been sincerely apologetic and embarrassed.

December 19, 2006 @ 11:58 am | Comment

To add to Slim’s comment, I was in Hong Kong recently and was very surprized to see people, mostly Chinese lining up in single file to enter the subway. Until that experience, it was always a mass of people waiting at the subway doors then rushing it, almost preventing riders from exiting.

December 19, 2006 @ 12:01 pm | Comment

Slim, I heartily agree with you. But I also think you understand – I was at the end of my rope, I had to get to work, I was freezing, everyone was getting a taxi by brute force and I did what I had to do.

About the younger generation – I couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t be surprised if in the not so distant future they approve gay marriage – the young people of China today (similar to America) are so relatively enlightened and open minded.

The woman I surrendered the first taxi to was from an earlier generation. Maybe time will solve this whole issue. Still, for now, we foreigners simply have no choice: adapt, or wait in the cold.

December 19, 2006 @ 12:02 pm | Comment

Pete, same in Taipei – but it’s the young and old alike who queue up politely. In China, I’ve concluded the older ones, the poor victims of the CR, are pretty much unsalvageable. By now, it’s too late to educate them on common courtesies. I understand this and my heart goes out to them. But still, my blood boils as they race to cut ahead of me, or pretend not to see me in the croswalk as they go speeding through the red light.

December 19, 2006 @ 12:10 pm | Comment

Ha!

How easily the “civilized” slip back into barbarism.

“Distance shows the strength of a horse; time shows the character of a man.”

Chinese proverb.

How long have you been in China?

December 19, 2006 @ 12:57 pm | Comment

Mingtian, I think Buddah is raising some excellent points, especially in light of your last snarky comment (and the many, many snarky comments that precede it). So I ask in all seriousness, are you here to make trouble or to enter a serious conversation? Be honest; we’ll know soon enough in any event.

December 19, 2006 @ 1:01 pm | Comment

I’ve seen “不好意思,我也在等” work quite well in getting people to stand properly in line.

December 19, 2006 @ 1:26 pm | Comment

I had my first China moment about 3 weeks after I first arrived in the country. I was waiting in what seemed like would probably be a 2 hour line to get a train ticket to Kashgar during Spring Festival. Of course, there were always people cutting up near the front. So, when in Rome… I went right to the front of the line, butted in, and bought my ticket. When the security guard tried to send me to the back of the line I pretended not to speak Chinese and kept telling him, “I am going to Kashgar. Thank you. I am going to Kashgar. Thank you.” I’ve been Chinese ever since.

December 19, 2006 @ 2:44 pm | Comment

hahah, Richard, do you remember our experience in Hangzhou with line cutters at the train station? And how that dedicated Chinese railway cop or whatever he was did his best to make all the scofflaws wait their turn? We were in awe of this guy because he was so determined to enforce the rules and do his job, in spite of the huge numbers of people who didn’t give a flying f** in a rolling donut what the rules were.

Anonymous Hangzhou Railroad Cop, we salute you! You did your best to support rules of civilized behavior, in spite of the overwhelming odds against you.

December 19, 2006 @ 4:31 pm | Comment

I have a friend here who, when people cut in front of him at McDonalds or in line at the subway with money shoved out in front, would pull the money out of their hands, throw it off to the side, and watch them chase after it while he stepped up to his rightful place in line. His editorial comment was “these people have to learn manners, and I’m willing to put in the time to teach them.” At which point I almost fell over laughing.

Of course, most of us couldn’t really get away with this without starting a fight. My friend was about 6’4″, 250 lbs.

December 19, 2006 @ 5:35 pm | Comment

My western friends, as a chinese, i admit what you all talked above indeed exists everywhere. as well i remind myself thinking of the cause in depth, Arthur Henry Smith an american priest had wrote a book “the chinese characteristics”, what we are now discussing is surely included in his book. but every people has its dark side, as the original post mentioned, the fittest survives, and now in china, most people are busy surviving, they have no time to pay attention to manners, the spending on education, medical care, house presses most chinese so tightly. manners is the last consideration.

December 19, 2006 @ 9:42 pm | Comment

i hate those using insulting words against chinese to highlight their superiority. most chinese likes to help foreigner, even more willing than to help their own fellow countryman. children is educated to be polite to foreigners even in primary school. of course, a lot of problems exist in China, above mentioned is one of them. hearty criticism is always welcome.

December 19, 2006 @ 10:23 pm | Comment

Jay, where are the insulting words? No one said Chinese people are bad. Unfortunately ,in Mainland China lines are often not respected and if you don’t fight back you stay at the end. That’s just a matter of fact. If we thought Chinese were bad we wouldn’t live in China. This is simply the way life is there, and I am always happy to point out when I think it’s getting better. Every people may have their dark side, as you say, and it is human nature to want to get ahead. But most civilized people ave adopted a social contract that calls for common courtesies to be respected. I blame Mao above all others for the erasure of such courtesies and a glad to see things constantly improving. Compared to just three years ago, China has made huge strides but still has a long way to go. Many of the younger people there are acutely aware of this problem and they are helping to lead the change. And for that sincerely congratulate China. But as long as the cutting and pushing and me-first continues to be the primary modus operandi, expect to see the topic brought up a lot of foreigners, especially those who care about China and want to see it taken more seriously.

December 19, 2006 @ 10:55 pm | Comment

As a p.s. – I’d have to say that one on one, the vast majority of individuals I’ve encountered in China have been kind, courteous and helpful. Many people have gone out of their way to help me, and those are the stories I usually tell when I’m asked about China.

But this behavior that Richard describes happens a lot, particularly in situations where there are (or should be) lines and people waiting turns. The scene at the Hanzhou railroad station I mentioned was jaw-dropping in the blatant rudeness and inconsideration of the line-cutters. We weren’t trying to cut, just maintain our place, and resorted to physically blocking people with our bags and elbows to do so.

December 20, 2006 @ 2:25 am | Comment

That was a classic experience, Lisa – I really wish we had videotaped it.

I always say the Chinese are among the most gracious in the individual, and among the most ungracious in the mass, which is understandable considering the size of the country and what Mao did to wipe out traditional values. Add in the Deng-era me-first greed and you have quite a potent brew.

December 20, 2006 @ 2:35 am | Comment

“Anonymous Hangzhou Railroad Cop, we salute you! You did your best to support rules of civilized behavior, in spite of the overwhelming odds against you”

Yeah! I feel the same way about Shanghai traffic wardens, furiously blowing their whistles while managing pedestrians and cyclists at busy intersections. Some of them are ruthlessly picky, but they have to be. It really seems like they are helping to turn the tide, at least in this tidepool.

December 20, 2006 @ 5:14 am | Comment

Richard, I still think you should get your own Xiali.

Not only would that alleviate your trials in finding wheels in winter, but on slow days at the office you could earn a little extra noodle money operating as a “black taxi”.

American “black taxi” driver in Beijing – don’t tell me that wouldn’t be a fountain of material for your blog! You could even install a webcam and liveblog some of your more interesting fares.

You can thank me by giving me a discount ride from the train station. 🙂

December 20, 2006 @ 5:31 am | Comment

O.K. Granted – the Cultural Revolution did have a profound effect on the generations that lived thorough it, and the period did make people more suspicious of one another. That is true. But let’s not overstate the claim by saying that Mao “wiped out” all common courtesies!

December 20, 2006 @ 12:02 pm | Comment

“the fittest survives, and now in china, most people are busy surviving, they have no time to pay attention to manners, the spending on education, medical care, house presses most chinese so tightly. manners is the last consideration”

Jay,

We’re all struggling to survive. Chinese people do not have a unique claim to that experience. It doesn’t account for the really crappy manners that exist here. I also don’t blame much on Mao. From books I’ve read and people I’ve talked to, all this existed well before Mao who simply made it a bit more acceptable than it already was.

The real hope as I see it is in China’s new middle class and the transformation is happening now. Even if they engage in it, sometimes young educated types are ashamed of the hawking and spitting and cutting etc. It’ll take 60 years, but improving manners on mainland China is something I’m optimistic about.

December 20, 2006 @ 12:45 pm | Comment

Slim, about your black taxi idea – let’s just say I’ll think about it. It might supply fodder fo rmy blog, but I suspect I’ll be able to come up with plenty of good material without riding around in a Xiali.

Buddah, it DID exist before Mao, of course. He just made it worse for those growing up in the CR years – while some of the survivors emerged to become splendid people of true character, many others came away with serious social problems that have scarred them their entire lives.

Agree with your final points. It’s improving but it’ll take a few generations.

December 20, 2006 @ 12:54 pm | Comment

As someone mentioned, Hong Kong people tend to be better about queue-jumping, but it does occasionally happen. The dispiriting thing is that when it DOES happen, other locals don’t protest.

Recently, my (Chinese) wife was lining up for a bank to open when these two guys jumped the queue to the front as soon as the doors opened. My wife, who has a strong sense of justice and fairness, went up and remonstated with them. They basically told her to piss off. So she turned to the others in the queue to back her up. And NOBODY said a word in support!!!

This disillusioned her even more than the two guys who jumped the queue.

My wife went

December 20, 2006 @ 1:29 pm | Comment

Oh, I just got back from Hong Kong and left with the impression that it is already being thoroughly sinicized. Of course, I was staying in a cheap hotel that caters to “neidi pengyou” so I might be a little too pessimistic. Anyway, if you go to Hong Kong, make sure either your or your company spend a little extra on the hotel. If not, don’t even bother asking for a non-smoking floor, check out ahead of everyone else or prepare for a mad free for all on sundays at noon, and trust me, watch out for the poop rubbed across the top of the toilet seat in the lobby bathroom! That’s not chocolate!

December 20, 2006 @ 4:40 pm | Comment

Kevin, that’s disgusting. Why didn’t you stay at the Peninsula? They pick you up from the airport in a Rolls Royce, or you can have your helicopter drop you off on the roof’s heliport. (Just kidding – I can only stay at the Peninsula in my dreams.)

Sojourner, my first week living in HK a middle-aged well-dressed local businessman (a guess based on attire) simply cut in front of me on a line at the MRT with no shame. I muttered, “Son of a bitch!” in surprise, and my colleague told me that was rude of me – “Richard, you have to respect our local culture.” I completely disagree; there is nothing to respect when people assume they are more deserving than you and push you aside.

HK definitely has an issue with line cutters and elevator maniacs. Taiwan has next to none, as does Singapore. I attribute it to HK’s frenetic atomosphere, where everyone is rushing to make the next buck, where anything that slows you down might mean another dollar lost. In China, I honestly believe most of the offenders have no idea they are doing anything improper; this is simply the way it’s always been. In HK, those who do it know they shouldn’t and they don’t care, which is actually worse.

December 20, 2006 @ 9:57 pm | Comment

In this respect I load the behaviours of all queue cutters be it in Beijing/Shanghai or Hong Kong. I know it is more pre dominant in China but does it not happen in bigger cities like New York ( for Taxis ) and MUmbai for everything. It is often when resources are lacking that people rush and try to grab it ahead of the other guy.
I am not saying that it happens is all cities for eg it seldom does not in Tokyo or London but most crowded cities such things happens.

I believe the Japanese have learnt that the more crowded the environment the more the need to be civilised and civil to each other.

We use to complains that Chinese in general even outside China have a strong sense of not wanting to lose out but if you go to a first class resort in for eg Bali we see non Chinese ( I presumed very rich Europeans and Americans as the hotel is 5 star and far away from Europe) using towers to reserve the best spot in the pool side just like the rest. How about the fight amongst parents for the most prestigious Kindergarden in New York etc etc.

We Chinese may have develop these survivor first( me first) instinct over the thousand of years. This is a two edged sword ie bad when living with others peacefully and selfish to the extreme at times but in fighting economic growth not a bad trait.
Richard you will go far…

December 21, 2006 @ 5:08 pm | Comment

In this respect I load the behaviours of all queue cutters be it in Beijing/Shanghai or Hong Kong. I know it is more pre dominant in China but does it not happen in bigger cities like New York ( for Taxis ) and MUmbai for everything. It is often when resources are lacking that people rush and try to grab it ahead of the other guy.
I am not saying that it happens is all cities for eg it seldom does not in Tokyo or London but most crowded cities such things happens.

I believe the Japanese have learnt that the more crowded the environment the more the need to be civilised and civil to each other. The need for a team and then a nation and they are civil to each other but brutal when competing with other peoples. Whereas the Chinese are by far more individualistics, me then family and the heck with everyone else. It I have said before a strength and a weakness. But we are not alone in this trait.

We use to complains that Chinese in general even outside China have a strong sense of not wanting to lose out but if you go to a first class resort in for eg Bali we see non Chinese ( I presumed very rich Europeans and Americans as the hotel is 5 star class and far away from Europe/USA) using towels to reserve the best spot in the pool side just like the rest of us. And how about the fight amongst parents for the most prestigious Kindergardens in New York etc etc.

We Chinese may have develop these survivor first( me first) instinct over the thousand of years in a very crowded resource poor environment. This is a two edged sword ie bad when living with others peacefully and selfish to the extreme at times but in fighting for economic growth not a bad trait.

Richard you will go far…

December 21, 2006 @ 5:13 pm | Comment

In the US, while there are always individual stories of rudeness, you will always see a line as opposed to a mob as people buy tickets, wait for transportation, etc. NY is one of the world’s most polite cities on average, despite the occasional asshole. Far more polite than Paris, for example, or Hong Kong. There is nothing there to compare with China I’m afraid. As I said, this is not genetic, it is not about “the Chinese” – in Taiwan and Singapore, lines and common courtesy are a way of life. As the Mainland matures, this will improve there as well, and is doing so already.

December 21, 2006 @ 9:22 pm | Comment

Richard

It is not genetic I agree but the survivor instinct is environmental as the case of limited resources , limited space, and limited time. Most of us under such circumstances provokes a me first attitude and that is rudeness. And they are slow ly inbuilt in the character. You have not live in Singapore long enough or big cities in Jakarta, Manila, Mumbai etc

Crowds and crowded places makes the best of us rude at times. With enough of us being rude it becomes the charateristic of the place.

December 21, 2006 @ 10:18 pm | Comment

I bet Mumbai would compare with China, but I haven’t been there…anyone know from first-hand experience?

I think New York actually came in first in a recent “politeness” survey. Shocking, that!

December 22, 2006 @ 1:43 am | Comment

There is a saying in the “Treatise of Cultivating People” – ˆߐH‘«‘¥’mžĐJ which says only after one is fully fed and clothed will he/she know the difference between honor and shame.

This is the same idea introduced by the more modern Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs.

What does this tell us? People’s behavior is more or less governed by economics. A people in a state of hunger and destitution would not pay much heed to higher ideals. Their primary goal is to survive and will do anything, whether they be right or wrong, to achieve that.

Richard’s example of a “middle-aged” well-dressed man cutting queues is the highlight here. He may be well-dressed, but most HK-ers uneducated or triads members are well dressed. Middle age is a clue there too. I assure you Taiwan and Singapore do have such incidences too. Go to relatively poorer areas ie. the local hawker stalls neighborhood.
It might be just that HK is a much more packed place and chances of these ugly episodes manifest itself more than Taiwan and Singapore.

We don’t need to be reminded that the China 2 decades earlier and beyond was extremely poor. The middle-aged generation is a no-hope now. Nobody can change their habits. Just gotta lived with it until it dies out.

December 22, 2006 @ 5:35 pm | Comment

the gibberish reads 衣食足則知榮辱

December 22, 2006 @ 5:44 pm | Comment

I’m an Englishman who moved to Beijing from London three months ago, and yeah, the cutting in does take some getting used to… But it’s a damned sight nicer to live with than the bloodthirsty arrogance of the British. I just returned from a week in London (where I lived for seven years) and was glad to see the back of the place. Overcrowded, over-priced, dirty and full of pushy, money-grabbing, humourless bastards. Beijingers are a bunch of softies in comparison!

December 22, 2006 @ 6:56 pm | Comment

>>I am not proud of what I did. But I am not ashamed, either, because you really do have to alter your thinking if you want to survive in China. . . . I saw an opportunity and I struck, and I kept my emotions out of it. I had done something I would have hitherto thought unimaginable. And I didn’t care.< Isn't that what the CEOs at Yahoo and Google said?

December 23, 2006 @ 9:55 am | Comment

Well, maybe in your wisdom you see a parallel with Yahoo and Google (bizarre though that may be), but in Yahoo’s case people were seriously hurt, like Shi Tao. Yahoo and Google did it so they could make more money. I did it because there was simply no other way to get a taxi. I tried the polite route, I tried patience. Finally, I did what I had to do. But note what I then go on to say:

That was the worst I did; I never cut a line or cheated anybody or pushed anybody – my moral compass wasn’t altogether shut down.

If you see what I did – getting into an empty taxi – to be on a par with the corporate sell-out of foreign companies like Yahoo and Google, more power to you. It’s like if someone admits to telling a white lie, and you respond, “You told a lie – isn’t that what Hitler did?” Yeah, but….

December 23, 2006 @ 11:11 am | Comment

so, it has been blamed on the cultural revolution, on poverty, even on the pressures of urban life. can we not just admit that mainland chinese are (in general) rude and stop excusing it (nest someone will say how “we chinese” have different thinking from our foreign friends)? The ‘me and mine first and f8ck the rest’ attitude is what drives this rudeness and is what will further its growth in future years. Those with confidence in the next generation: foget it. The next generation of spoilt little emeperors/empresses will be worse in that they won’t even feel any contrition when the laowai in the queue tells them to get to the back. For them, it will be natural to do whatever they want.

I just got back to Beijing from Singapore. The Air China (death to Air China) was the only one in the entire check-in area that had guards maintaining that the queue was respected. Important postscript though: I saw one couple jump the queue like it wasn’t there and get away with it. The couple were both foreigners. I presumed they were flying Business, but when we boarded, there they were in economy with the rest of us. tut tut tut

December 26, 2006 @ 2:03 pm | Comment

Your reaction to this is what exactly I’m trying to say.

December 28, 2006 @ 2:19 am | Comment

Casual. In Europe as a whole, queues and the towel procedure especially are known as somewhat eccentric British customs. I understand US-Americans try to emulate this idea of courtesy because thats their main influence or something.

In Europe courtesy is mostly kept because, well you could try to skip the line but the others could also try to stop you from doing it, if you know what I mean.

Pragmatism and a bit of spontaneity: This wife that walked off because two guys jumped the q on her was a real wimp though 😉

December 29, 2006 @ 10:50 am | Comment

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