I have decided to stop my blogging, at least temporarily.
Since I left China, I have simply not felt the burning inspiration, the passionate need to write. And the last thing I want to do is present uninspired drivel to readers who expect and deserve something better.
Right now I need to focus on study (Chinese), self-improvement (physical and spiritual) , and excellence in my new job. That will leave me very little time for what in China was an all-consuming passion (i.e., obsession). Back then, when I felt a lot of despair, the blog was actually my healing mechanism. But here, where SARS is fast disappearing and life is a relative picnic, I feel no urge to get up on the soapbox. At least not now.
A lot of what I wrote about — the evils of the Communist government, the agonies of China’s gays, the cover-ups of the SARS and AIDS scandals, the laughable antics of the Chinese state-run media — all of these things were reflections of my outrage, my fury at what I saw (and see) as criminal behaviour from a government many in America wrongfully believe has reformed and repented. I just don’t feel that outrage now. My heart’s not in it.
So this is intended to be my last post for a long while, maybe weeks or months, while I settle down and come to terms with my new environment. (If I know myself, I will probably come across stuff on Andrew Sullivan’s site or The Gweilo’s that will impel me to comment. But, based on how I’m feeling now, I’d say that should be a rarity.)
So thanks a lot for visiting, and please check in now and then. I don’t know when exactly it will be, but there is no doubt I’ll be back.
Richard Burger is the author of Behind the Red Door: Sex in China, an exploration of China's sexual revolution and its clash with traditional Chinese values.