Being Da Shan

Free, hilarious advice for getting where you want to go in China — just say you’re Da Shan.

The Discussion: 11 Comments

I have built a rock altar in the middle of my apartment, dedicated to Da Shan. It looks like Stonehenge.
Every night I burn sacrifices to Da Shan, like CDs of Kenny G and the Carpenters.
And then I piss all over it.

July 14, 2005 @ 3:00 am | Comment

Da Shan’s Da Man. I’ve been trying to sell out for years. He did it ALL the way. He’s the King of the Monkeys. His parents must be soooo proud.

July 14, 2005 @ 4:28 am | Comment

If you mean he’s king of the Bonobo Monkeys – the ones who bend over to get buggered by higher authorities – then yes, he’s king of the Monkeys.

July 14, 2005 @ 4:44 am | Comment

Next week on South Park, Da Shan will appear on the “Terence and Philip” show.
And none of their lips will move.

July 14, 2005 @ 4:52 am | Comment

Ivan, I am SURE that the Chinese elites respect him in the morning. I just love how he say’s ABOOT.

July 14, 2005 @ 4:54 am | Comment

“As we all know”, Canadians are more cute and cuddly than Americans or Brits. (Thus CCTV chose a Canadian to be their main monkey.)
Except of course for when they’re massacring Indians or French settlers. Or paying slave wages to Chinese workers on the railroad.
Ah, THAT’s it! Da Shan is China’s revenge against Canada, for all the coolies who died building the railroad.
It’s a plot to ruin Canada’s reputation.
After they’re done with him, they’ll hire an American to be their next monkey, a character with a name like:
“The Big Silly Cowboy Who Loves Kenny G”
Hang on, I need to piss on my Da Shan altar again – it’s time for Vespers.

July 14, 2005 @ 5:37 am | Comment

I always thought Canadians were just Americans who say ABOOT and EH? alot.

July 14, 2005 @ 6:02 am | Comment

A Canadian is just an American who gets pissed off when you remind him that he is a subject of Queen Elizabeth the Second.

July 14, 2005 @ 7:13 am | Comment

Don’t talk aboot that eh?

July 14, 2005 @ 7:27 am | Comment

A Canadian is just an American whose ancestors were tarred and feathered in Boston and Philadelphia.
I have a friend (well not just one) in England, who told me:
“The difference between you Americans and the Canadians, is that you guys told Britain to f— off. You had a revolution and started your own country, and then we became friends again, because you Americans have NO inferiority complex. But Canada never told Britain to f— off, so the Canadians still have an inferiority complex, and THAT’s why the Canadians take the piss about America so much.”

July 14, 2005 @ 7:58 am | Comment

Join the group

This is the first step in an international campaign to ban Da Shan from Chinese TV and advertisements.

August 17, 2005 @ 7:33 am | Comment

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