Is that band you like turning you gay?

Watch out! It is an established fact that listening to certain pop music, created with lascivious and lecherous intentions, can turn you into a homosexual. Really. Thank God for sites like this one, which provides us with handy lists of which bands will make you gay and which bands will help keep you on the straight and narrow as God intended. (Don’t ask me how Cindy Lauper, the sex-worshipping satanist behind Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, got onto the list of “safe bands.”)

These people are totally nuts, no?

The Discussion: 17 Comments

Richard, it’s hard to tell truth from fiction on the Net. I looked at this guy’s list and thought “He must be taking the piss.” Tried to play his music video, but it’s been eliminated. Listened to his video diary, in that high, squeaky, GAY voice (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) but turned it off because it wasn’t worth the waste of bandwidth.

I hope it’s a joke, like Jesus’ General, but it’s been thoroughly deconstructed there. You know what they say about people who focus so much on opposing homosexuality — they do it to cover their own inner demons. Methinks that’s the case here.

One final thing — as the spouse of a Deadhead, I don’t understand why he put AIDS after the Grateful Dead’s name. Nobody among the band members who died tragically died from HIV. Drug abuse, yes, but not AIDS!

February 4, 2007 @ 7:20 pm | Comment

A Christian group not liking Marilyn Manson–okay, I get that. (Though give him 10 years and he’ll be pushing minivans in Super Bowl commercials. Look what happened to Alice Cooper and Ozzie.) Perhaps some people might freak out if their 10-year old son were listening to Cole Porter, not sure why that would be, but if you say so. Maybe if Joe and Cindy Middleamerica’s teenage son is channeling Frank Sinatra then it might be because he’s overcompensating with the hyper-macho bit…Sounds like a stretch, but I dunno.

But Ravi Shankar? Can anyone explain that one?

February 4, 2007 @ 7:39 pm | Comment

I had the same feeling. I thought it was definitely a joke at first, but then real, and then a joke again. My favorite part is that Marilyn Manson is “dark gay”. If I ever have children, I’m gonna scare em into doing what I want by telling them that if they don’t, the “dark gays” are gonna get em. That’ll terrify em real good.

February 4, 2007 @ 9:10 pm | Comment

On the other hand, if you listen to Barry Manilow, you were already gay to begin with…

February 4, 2007 @ 11:48 pm | Comment

Don’t see how Evanescence made the safe list either, their videos scare the poo out of me.

February 5, 2007 @ 12:41 am | Comment

That list makes absolutely no effin’ sense.

Sufjan Stevens is a wonderful Christian singer-songwriter and yet he gets put on the blacklist? Is it because he has a Muslim name? Or that he might possibly be [whisper]…gay?[/whisper] Meanwhile Evanescence is in the good books, despite having dropped their “Christian band” label like a hot piece of cow turd.

Marilyn Manson is a “dark gay”? (As opposed to Elton John’s “really gay”?) Last that I heard he was banging Dita Von Teese, who’s a total babe.

And yeah, the most incomprehensible of all is good ol’ Blue Eyes himself, who typified straight-boy machismo (in fact, one of his lovers said he “weighed 120 pounds and 100 pounds of it was cock.”)

Also notice how the blacklist is comprised of really great musicians and the good list of mostly sucktastic and/or obscure ones (I mean…Jars of Clay?)

The devil is all about good music. ๐Ÿ˜‰

February 5, 2007 @ 2:06 am | Comment

I guess Christian girls really do wanna have fun…

P.S. Jars of Clay = crocks of sh*t

February 5, 2007 @ 6:04 am | Comment

I think you have absolutely got to love any list that includes both Clay Aiken and the Velvet Underground.

And what is it with the “?Questionable?” rating on Morrisey? Come on, man, have some convictions. Straight to hell, I’d say (if not there already, judging from his morose songwriting).

My reading of this is that the lists are more or less bands he likes and bands he doesn’t like.

February 5, 2007 @ 9:26 am | Comment

Wait a minute, I used to listen to Metallica! Now it all makes sense! Har har

February 5, 2007 @ 9:49 am | Comment

Morrissey is in no way ‘Questionable’ — and the list misses so many obvious groups (hello, the Queers, Indigo Girls, Franz Ferdinand…). And what about the entire genre of ‘showtunes?” How can you possibly include Motorhead and miss Stephen Sondheim and Cole Porter?
Or is there something about Lemmy Kilmister that I haven’t been aware of…

February 5, 2007 @ 10:45 am | Comment


He did nab Cole Porter though how Sondheim slipped through I have no idea.

One thing though, I know the list is funny and we’re all having a bit of a laugh, but I looked through this guy’s site: He is one seriously disturbed individual.

February 5, 2007 @ 12:01 pm | Comment

My bad. Cole Porter and the Indigo Girls are on the list! Not that it matters — listening to Elton John is about as likely to turn you gay as much as Wagner will make you a Nazi.
Everyone knows homosexuality is actually spread through the consumption of unfermented soy products.

February 5, 2007 @ 12:48 pm | Comment

Ravi Shankar???? The Doors???? Frank Sinatra?????

Now assuming just for the sake of argument that Ravi Shankar is gay (and I have absolutely no reason to think he is, not that there is anything wrong with that), but why in bloody hell would listening to his music cause homosexuality to invade the family.

The site is a farce. It HAS to be. Its tagline is “God Hates Fags.” If it is meant to be a joke, it really is quite funny and if it is not meant to be a joke, it is a joke.

So the whole argument on whether it is nature or nuture has been muted. It is music.

As a parent of two kids, I have a serious question: is there a certain age at which I can allow them to listen a band on the “gay list” without it turning them gay? Will one song do it? One album?

February 5, 2007 @ 3:38 pm | Comment

”Cindy Lauper, the sex-worshipping satanist”

Oh no, now I’m feeling crushed – Richard, are you sure?!

And where’s Frank Zappa and his fellow wackos on that list of questionables?? Now there’s a whole family of degenerates that obviously no one (except me, ha!) listens to…

February 6, 2007 @ 1:28 am | Comment

“…good ol’ Blue Eyes himself, who typified straight-boy machismo (in fact, one of his lovers said he “weighed 120 pounds and 100 pounds of it was cock.”)”

One of his “lovers”, eh? Everyone knows that the closeted Mr. S’s near-signature song “Strangers in the Night” is about two gay men having it off for the first time in a bath house! Why, I even have it on good authority that the three “screamers” who composed the song got the idea while engaging in a daisy chain at a private club in San Francisco. You want your children listening to that?

February 6, 2007 @ 6:18 am | Comment

Who’s kids listen to Frank Sinatra?

February 8, 2007 @ 12:49 pm | Comment

Ahem, whose.

February 8, 2007 @ 3:56 pm | Comment

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