It Lengthens, It Strengthens, It’s Olympic!

Collector’s Edition Fuwa Condoms:

Fuwas ‘Beibei,’ ‘Jingjing,’ ‘Huanhuan,’ ‘Yingying,’ and ‘Nini’ are the new darlings of the Olympics! The Fuwas represent the hopes and dreams of the Chinese people. Their forms and headwear symbolize their relationships with the ocean, the forest, fire, land, and sky, and their design makes use of traditional Chinese artistic elements to better display China’s splendid cultural wealth. Fuwa condoms are produced by the Shenzhen Shishangtang Health Products Corporation.

2008 Olympic Wiaggra:

Olympic Wiaggra is the result of years of clinical testing. It uses internationally leading nanometer compound extraction technology to combine natural horticultural and animal elements in a finely powdered form, rather than sildenafl and other compounds…Promoting rejuvenation, increases in length, girth, and function, the medicine is effective for a period of 180 hours and will lead to no side effects, dependencies, facial flushing, increased heart rate, severe headaches, heart disease, increased blood pressure, or diabetes. May be taken in conjunction with alcohol with no deleterious effects.
Best used by:
1. Individuals with short or small penises, underdeveloped genitalia, persons of middle or advanced age experiencing weakness or depletion of the kidney humors, penile shrinkage, premature ejaculation or decreased sexual urge,
2. Persons seeking to improve their quality of life, better themselves, and increase stamina;
3. Persons dissatisfied with their current penis who are seeking to lengthen it; individuals experiencing waist and back pain, weakness of the extremities, insomnia or narcolepsy.

tr. note: The company that makes Viagra got a trademark for the product name in Chinese, “Wan’aike,” but neglected to trademark the name everybody actually uses, “Weige.” This allows knock-off makers to effectively sell their products as Viagra, with no legal repercussions.

Star of the Olympics:

Zhongle imports and refines American ingredients to produce Star of the Olympics, which promotes circulation of the male vital force, replenishes the kidney, and need only be taken once every seven days. (Under no circumstances should it be taken more often, as the user’s sexual partner is likely to experience extreme fatigue.) This product has absolutely no side effects. Protracted use can promote growth in penlie length and girth and the effective resolution of impotence and premature ejaculation.
32 capsules.
Usage instructions: 20 minutes before the commencement of bedroom affairs, take one capsule. Pill will be most effective one hour afterwards.

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Richard Burger is the author of Behind the Red Door: Sex in China, an exploration of China's sexual revolution and its clash with traditional Chinese values.

The Discussion: 13 Comments

For long-term investment I’d prefer the Fuwa condoms as a collector’s item more than the 10-yuan Olympic note. Somehow I don’t think 6 millions of those condoms will get into general circulation.

July 21, 2008 @ 2:36 pm | Comment

I’m already feeling much more vital, thank you.

July 21, 2008 @ 4:00 pm | Comment

Brendan, thanks for adding a badly needed touch of levity (which must be the root of Levitra?) to a blog that’s become way too serious over the past few weeks. I’m sure everyone will get a “rise” out of this.

July 21, 2008 @ 4:24 pm | Comment

bedroom affairs–That must be literal translation of the Chinese word fangshi, which is simply a euphemism for sex.

July 21, 2008 @ 4:25 pm | Comment

Olympic baby boom?

July 21, 2008 @ 4:32 pm | Comment

Paul, I think it’s pretty clear what “bedroom affairs” is supposed to connote, especially in the context of an ad for a drug that “promotes growths in penile length and girth.” :-)

July 21, 2008 @ 6:02 pm | Comment

@paul — yeah; I couldn’t resist overtranslating in some places. The original is indeed 房事.

July 21, 2008 @ 6:53 pm | Comment

This is too funny and begs the question, now that we’ve even seen sexual enhancement products getting linked to the Olympics, what they hell is this country going to do when its all over? I was talking to my cab driver on the way to the airport today, he was so pissed at all the money that was being wasted on this event that will last a month with no profit for China in the long run. He of course isn’t the only one. Saw a TV report in Taiwan today where they gave two arguments for/against the traffic shutdown in Beijing. The pro was: We have too many people so of course our wonderful government needs to do this (YAWN). The other guy was pissed that they were restricting his motorist rights for a bunch of foreigners, asking the apropos question: what about the Chinese that actually have to live here? Why doesn’t the government put them before the needs of the IOC? Needless to say it was refreshing to see both sides of an issue for once. Go Taiwan (ZhongHUA Taibei)!

July 21, 2008 @ 11:26 pm | Comment

Gotta love Shenzhen! Anything that’ll sell, for any reason.

Andy, obviously when it’s all over, the place will deflate and go limp!

July 22, 2008 @ 12:40 pm | Comment

I guess this Olympics and the advertisement for this sex aid will both create alot of hype and expectations followed by an unpleasant experience which the participants will be glad is over and everyone will need a long shower and counseling.

July 22, 2008 @ 7:36 pm | Comment

create alot of hype and expectations followed by an unpleasant experience which the participants

sounds like the story of your life up til now from your mother’s perspective

July 23, 2008 @ 3:53 pm | Comment

IOC condom programs have existed since 1992; what China is doing is actually ordinary:

- Durex, official condom and lubricant sponsor of the 2004 games, provided Athens 130,000 condoms. Each athlet received 15 condoms and 1 tube of lubricant.

- Sydney Olympics provided 5 condoms per athlet, ran out and had to order 20,000 more.

- Salt Lake City Olympics handed out 250,000 condoms.

http://news.scotsman.com/ViewArticle.aspx?articleid=2546876

July 29, 2008 @ 5:15 am | Comment

I hope Durex is bringing in European and African size condoms for the athletes. It’s impossible for most guys to squeeze into the Chinese variety.

August 4, 2008 @ 6:27 pm | Comment

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